Thinking about packing the blog in. I could come up with a few different reasons, whether it's wanting to free myself of the worry that somebody from work will find me on here having a bitch-fest, and get me in a world of shit, or that I just find it difficult to come up with my usual gibberish these days. Or maybe it's the fact that my ex (mentioned in this post) e-mailed me and implied that somebody reads my blog and reports information to him (or some such shit). This last part doesn't worry me, but it just makes me feel weary and exhausted. I am used to this from when we were together and since we have been apart.

So maybe it's mostly that I don't really want my life on display here anymore, for whatever reason.

I do have a lot going on right now, hinted at previously with comments about spending time in my head, and most of it really can't be written about here. Which kind of sucks, because writing is great therapy, but when you can't use your diary as a diary then it doesn't really have much purpose anymore. I would love to just vomit it all out, I'm sure I would feel much better. Alas.

Then again, maybe I'm just having an off day and tomorrow will be sunshine and lollipops. Maybe?

I like music. I am not one of these hip and trendy people who listen to new, innovative bands, but I like music. I like to listen to it, and I dabble at playing it, though I largely suck at the latter. I even sing along with my whiny cat-strangle voice from time to time.

So when people tell me that they are in a band or involved with music in some way, my interest is piqued. Mainly because my total suckage at playing/singing means I am immediately envious of them.

So! Imagine my interest when one of the guys I now work with tells me that he wrote a song. "I play rhythm guitar in a band, but this one time I wrote and recorded a song. The stuff I play is normally pretty heavy but this is more of a ballad. Really out of character for me."

Ooooooh! goes my brain.

"Can you sing?" I ask.

"Well I didn't think I could, but my friends say that I can," he replies.

I immediately started hassling him. "Send me the song! E-mail it to me! Go on! Here's my e-mail address! Go on! Please! I strongly advise you to send me the song, or I will annoy you about it forever more! Song! Send! To me! Yes!"

So he does.

Dilemma: the song is, well, really not that good. And by that, I mean that it's actually pretty awful. When somebody says "well I don't think that I can sing that well..." they are either being honest, or being modest, and I didn't think for a second that it was going to be the former. And now I am faced with this situation. Should I:

• Pretend I didn't receive it. Pro: don't have to give any feedback, Con: he will most likely send it to me again, and I'm not sure I could use the same technique twice.
• Be honest. Pro: won't go to hell, Con: will offend him and cement my reputation as Bitch Extraordinaire.
• Lie through my teeth. Pro: he will be happy, Con: is dishonest, and secures me a place in hell for being a dirty, filthy liar.
• Be vague and non-committal. Pro: avoids discomfort and lies, Con: would need a back-up plan in case he prompts me for genuine feedback.
  

Sigh. I replied to his e-mail and told him that the lyrics were poetic. I need to have my back-up plan ready ASAP.

Ok, so where am I at. This is rhetorical.

I'm a week and a half into my new job and I'm still in panic mode, to be honest. I haven't been given too much to do yet and I keep trying to think of ways to fill my time. I have been very, very tempted to blog but it has been far too long since I used to fill my quiet work hours with blog posts and I feel way too guilty at the thought. Even more guilty knowing that this job is such a great opportunity, which I'm not supposed to be wasting, etc.

So I have been studying. And taking practice exams. A lot of. My exam is on the 18th of September and I plan on kicking much arse. I have also been given free reign over a test lab (with permission to break it) and I went up there today and had a play, though I feel very nervous doing so. I am just trying to feel comfortable with using my brain again and being in a completely different type of environment, I guess. An environment which is, by the way, a total sausage-fest. Not that this makes a difference, but it's an interesting sidenote.

Meanwhile, I have been keeping in touch with my old team pretty regularly, exchanging e-mails and messages all over the place, and the word on the street is that they don't like my replacement. It might be because I was slack and let them get away with a lot. In fact, this is very, very likely. It's good to be popular*.

That "spending time in my own head" bit I mentioned last post? Yeah, still doing that.

A lot.

The next three or four weeks are busy and pretty much planned out for me. Bridge to Brisbane, Ben Folds, a friend's birthday party, High Tea with the laydeez, and a yum cha date. Between each of those, insert work, studying like crazy because I don't want to fail this exam, tennis and whatever other exercise I can be arsed doing, and practising piano so that I don't completely suck. For me, this is super crazy busy. I normally sit around watching 30 Rock and wishing that Tina Fey was my girlfriend. Busy.

*Swoon*

*As a sidenote, I was nominated by somebody and then voted Chairperson of the Social Club at work, right before I left. Yes, people actually voted for me. I have never been picked for anything, ever. Has something gone out of whack, somewhere in the universe?

What a week. What an unproductive week. I was really looking forward to having the last week off and to be honest, it's been great, but I feel completely out of it. And the thought of starting this job tomorrow is starting to kick in and I find that I am shitting myself, slightly.

On Friday night I caught up with my team and other work folk for drinks etc. It was fun, but I find that I already feel incredibly detached from them. Their new Team Leader is a great girl, really personable (and not an enormous social misfit like me) and has settled in like she's been there all her life. Which is fantastic, good for her and good for everyone else, too. I'm glad the job is in capable hands. But letting go of the good people there is a little bit sad. Though I'm going to be seeing them at drinks and social thingies anyway, so all good, yes?

Sigh. I have spent a lot of time inside my head of late. Not just work, but everything. My mind is very cluttered.

I think I'm just wondering what kind of mistakes I'm making.

Also.

Woah! What's with this post? Sunshine and rainbows!

Sidenotes:

• I have the worst potty mouth ever when drunk.
• I have a lot of black spots from Friday night.
• There's only one week until Bridge to Brisbane. I predict that I will die. I'll make sure I post one last time before I go.
• Beardie bought me a Dwight Schrute bobblehead.
  

• And Chamberlain skekSil.

• I am going to put them on my new desk alongside Baird from Gears of War. And they can all have a tea party.
• I might go out today and buy some sports bras.

I hope your weekend has been fine and dandy.

It's funny how my brain works. Yesterday I had a productive day, had my hair chopped and visited my mum, with the intent of keeping the rest of this week free to study my arse off. This morning, faced with the prospect of sitting down for some long, hard study, I am franctically considering what else I could possibly be doing. This includes:

• Making random videos for Youtube
• Locating & watching episodes of The Gilmore Girls
• Locating & watching episodes of Sex in the City (I think there is something hormonal going on here?)
• Blogging
• Driving to the shops to try and find those Jols lollies in the metal tins (I am in love with them)
• Rummaging through my wardrobe, finding things I haven't worn in forever and then doing my own private fashion show full of dodgy outfits
• Experimenting with colourful make-up, like I'm 12
• Baking (I may or may not have purchased a book yesterday entitled "500 Cupcakes")
  

Book purchase may have been inspired by sitting next to this display yesterday:

I am doing at least one of these things right now, so the trend may continue.

So I left the ridiculously long hair on the hairdressers floor and now it is just shoulder-length. Not as big a deal as I was expecting, though I haven't actually shown it to anyone yet. Except for my mum, whose comment was "oh. You've chopped all your hair off." I did try and take a picture yesterday, before sleeping on it and turning it into a birds nest, however the photos came out shitty, and I'm not going to blog a picture where it looks shittier than normal, gosh darn it. Maybe I could add 'Taking a Hair Photo' to my list of Procrastination Activities for today.

Nothing exciting to report on the Mountain Dwellers(!!!) front. Except every now and then I learn exactly where my various neuroses stem from, in particular my Punctuality Issues. I think I am a lot more laid back than my mum, in terms of accepting things that I can't change, and it is made more evident than ever on days like yesterday. I have this memory of being about 11, and my teacher asking me to stay back after school for a couple of minutes, and the ill feeling I had in my stomach knowing that I was keeping my mum waiting outside in the car. Yesterday I leave the hairdresser WAY later than expected, see the time and promptly crap myself. I call my mum (who has already left me a voicemail message saying she is there waiting for me) and let her know that I am on my way, but that it's about a half hour drive.

So I speed the entire way there, do a big screechy driving into the carpark (screechy, teehee!) and while my mum doesn't say anything (other than the "hair chopped off" comment) she looks weary, and disappointed. And I feel terrible, and am so apologetic it is spew-worthy. So for all the times I am ridiculously early, and all the times I hassle Beardie about getting ready and going, this is my excuse. My deep-seeded Punctuality Issues.

Anyway. So that's the blogging done. What's next on the list?

So I'm half way through my last week of Contact Centre Bollocks and the crazybusy hit me today. Monday and Tuesday were so smooth, so easy, I thought I was going to cruise my way out of that place. Alas! Today was mental, and I don't have high hopes for the rest of the week, either.

The news about the job came out yesterday. Before the official e-mail went to all staff I decided to tell a few people one-on-one, as I felt a bit weird about them learning I was leaving in four days from an e-mail. And it was freaking horrible. I guess this is possibly the first time I've switched jobs when I actually really liked some of the people I work with. I was all shaky hands and nervous twitches as I gave them the news, and most of my team predictably Freaked Out. I hate this leaving shit, can it be over please?

One outcome I wasn't expecting from all of this was a bit of cattiness. I know there's quite a few people who would love a secondment to a different area, so I've had some funny responses from people, including "oh, I thought they weren't releasing staff anymore?" and "well now you've gone, they'll probably never let ME go." What is up with that? Be happy for me, you bitches!

Anyhoo. I've got the rest of this week to get through and then a lovely week off, during which time I am going to lop off all of my hair, catch up with my mum and have farewell drinks with work people. And then starts my super nerdtastic adventure! I am going to become the biggest geek the world has ever seen.

(Yes, even more so than before!)

Oh my. Oh my goodness my goodness golly gosh my. Today I received some very major news, which I am bullet pointing below. Or short-sentencing below. You know what I mean.

• I got the techy job.
• Turns out that they have wanted me on their team for yonks, and my boss and boss's boss knew about it, but neglected to tell me.
• It means I get a nasty paycut but increased brain stimulation and happy feelings.
• I start in two weeks.
• This is one more week at work, and then a planned week off.
• Nobody at work knows except for one close friend. This means that on Monday I'll be telling everyone that I'm leaving at the end of that week.
• This is short notice.
• I am sad to be leaving the lovely people, and glad to be leaving the stupidheads.
• I am a bit scared that I am not clever enough for this job, and that I've talked myself up a bit too much.
• They are putting me down for a six-month contract, so if it turns out that I do suck majorly, it's tough titties for them.
• In this new job, I will have no direct reports. That's right. None.
• I AM ECSTATIC.
• Did I mention I would have no direct reports? And would just be responsible for my own work, rather than the work of gits?
  

Awesome. So, so awesomely awesome. Etc. Awesome.

It feels like forever since I've blogged. Hectic times, my friend. Hectic times indeed.

Today I had my last day of a five-day training course. Well, it was my last day attending the course, and now I need to study my arse off if I want to have any hope at all of passing the test. The worrying thing about doing this course is how out of shape my brain is. I guess being a Team Leader isn't the most cerebral of jobs? It felt like it took me a few hours to blow the cobwebs out of my cranium and remember how to learn. And I'm still not sure I'm doing a very good job of it.

The whole point of me doing this course is to make me far more suitable for That Job I went for, so it is Very Important that I do well. Speaking of That Job, the Director keeps on giving me inside goss on where they are up to (wants to get rid of me, perhaps?) and I found out that they only received the applications last Friday. So I would expect that they would be finalising the shortlist, or inviting people to be interviewed, or whatever the hell they do next at the end of this week, or maybe the week after.

The other inside info that Captain BigBoss told me is that he heard that there were three jobs going, instead of just two. This made my tummy do a flip-flop, because my previous "investigations" told me that there were already two valid contenders for the two jobs available. But if there's three, then I may have a better chance, whether I am crap or not.

What I need to do is stop thinking about it, gosh darn it.

In between trying to learn all of this techy stuff I am now studying for my piano exams. Yes, I know how to take the fun out of a hobby! I decided to do exams in the hope that it would keep my motivation levels up, plus give me a target to aim for. And one of the songs that I can choose to perform is The Chamber of Secrets from Harry Potter, so therefore the whole world is jealous of me. It will probably be quite a long time before I can take the exam, especially since I seem to have no time to do anything at all right now.

Also, I did something to my ankle, so all I can do is hobble around and watch my stamina slowly disappear.

Summary: my brain is exploding and I am feeling unfit and podgy.

The end.

It's generic life update time!

Dexter! Dexter is the naughtiest kitty ever, and basically divides his time between slashing my flesh to pieces and sleeping on my hair at night. My right hand in particular looks as though I shoved it into the insinkerator. He has settled in very well and I love him muchly, despite the pain he causes me.

The Abbey Medieval Festival! Alas, good sirs and fair maidens, we did not go. And the friends who were supposed to go and then bring us hilarious stories also did not go, because they wanted to go to a chocolate fair instead. Chocolate over jousting? Oh, come on. I guess there is always next year.

The job! Have heard nothing yet but I would expect to receive some type of notification next week. I was the sneakiest of sneaky people and asked a friend with access to the government jobs database to have a look at how many other people had applied, and who they were. Only 11 applications! For two jobs! This is great, though I did recognise two of the names (and at least one of them is a shoo-in), so it's still very uncertain. I am hoping though, because to move into a shiny new job would be just delightful.

Boring fitness shit! I am on Week Eight of my running program, with just one more week left until I am officially Hardcore. And by Hardcore, I mean rubbish. But I should be able to hobble my way through Bridge to Brisbane, which was the whole idea. I can already foresee that being in the middle of thousands of other runners is going to make me run much faster than what I am capable of so that I tire in the first 30 seconds and have to sit down on the side of the road with a glass of water. Should be lovely!

Piano! It's official - I am going to be "performing" in a small concert for adult piano students at the end of September. I predict that I will completely cock it up. This is very certain. But I will ask Beardie to film it on my shiny new video camera and then perhaps I'll post it. Especially if I screw it royally, because it will probably be very hilarious (i.e. shockingly embarrassing for me).

What else! Nothing much. Doing some training over the next couple of weeks, followed by an exam, to turn me into a super 1337 techo nerd geek h4x0r type person. Going to a barbeque tomorrow at Beardie's boss's place, which is apparently a Big Deal and I'm not allowed to wear fat pants and thongs. Other than that, business as usual. Work is work, and highly worky.

I hope you are having a tip top weekend.

As you probably know, the reason I started RAT and ditched the Old Blog was related to my ex. Specifically, I wanted somewhere else that I could write, that he didn't know about. So I tried to make this one as anonymous as possible, with no links or references to the old one, and thought that would be that.

So how should one feel when the ex mentioned has shown that he is actually reading this blog, by leaving a comment on one of the posts?

a) Indifferent. It's been a long time, so what does it matter?
b) Happy. Oh, so great to hear from you!
c) Incredibly annoyed. LKSDFLKJSDFLSDlkjslf#$#ljsdfk! [head explodes]

I guess I need a mop to clean up my head.

More back story is probably needed, but it is just frustrating after making such efforts to move on with my life, only to once again have another reminder of a time in my life when I wasn't particularly happy.

Call me crazy.

Sigh.